Transitions
Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash
During the calendar year, the months of June through August are often months of external change for global workers: children completing one level of school or launching into the next, home assignments ending or beginning, ministry roles shifting, retirement beckoning. Some changes are unplanned: A friend shared with me that 14 people he knows were expelled or their visas not renewed in the last year in the country where they live and work.
According to William Bridges, author of Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, these external changes can invite us into an inner reorientation called “transition.” What is the difference between change and transition?
… change is situational. Transition, on the other hand, is psychological. It is not those events but rather the inner reorientation and self-redefinition that you have to go through in order to incorporate any of those changes into your life. Without a transition, a change is just a rearrangement of the furniture. Unless transition happens, the change won’t work, because it doesn’t take.[1]
This blog briefly highlights the three phases Bridges identifies that mark this natural process of personal growth called transition.[2] I refer mainly to the appendix to the 40th anniversary edition of his book, which provides a succinct overview of Bridges’ three-phase model. I have added comments that are in italics as well as some questions for reflection.
Endings. “During transition endings come first…. You begin transition when you identify what you are losing” (p. 194). Bridges encourages us to sort out what to keep and what to leave behind, even in changes that are positive (e.g., getting married, having a baby, or starting a new job or role). Many traditional societies had rites of passage to symbolize or dramatize natural life cycle transitions.[3]
I have noticed that perhaps more than for any of the phases, this first phase can be unconsciously resisted. Many of us have not had modeled the grieving of loss or the acceptance of change in a healthy way. We may quote Scripture: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” (Isaiah 43:18-19a). “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on …” (Philippians 3:13-14a). Or – if we are changing or adjusting ministry assignments – we may be concerned that ministry partners will not understand us or will assume that we are abandoning the cutting edge of our calling.
What natural endings can you identify in your life right now?
What do you need to let go of in a healthy way? (This letting go may include the biblical practice of lament and the practice of remembrance and thanksgiving).
What transition ritual could you plan to symbolize a healthy ending and a passage to a new beginning? (For an example see Releasing Our Loyal Commitments).
Neutral zone. “The old reality is gone, and a new one is not yet viable. Patterns are shifting and may not be clear. It is time for reflection, to allow fleeting thoughts to come in. Boundaries are released” (p. 197). At the heart of this time is renewal. Additional helpful comments are provided in the body of Bridges’ book. Among them are:
Avoid the “traps of fast forward and reverse” (p. 146). It can be tempting to try to speed things up (and miss the natural forming and shaping that is taking place). Or it can be equally tempting to “try to undo the changes and put things back the way they were before the transition started” (p. 147).
Take regular times to be alone or in a place of dedicated retreat (pp. 147-148; 154-156)
Keep a “log of your neutral-zone experiences.” Slow down enough to put into words what it is that you are seeing, feeling and thinking (pp. 148-149).
As I was reading Bridges’ description of the “neutral zone,” I was reminded of a song by Keith Green from over four decades ago. The song echoes Numbers 14:1-4.
So you wanna go back to Egypt
Where it’s warm and secure
Are you sorry you bought the one-way ticket
When you thought you were sure?
In the last eight years my wife and I have experienced multiple transitions. Certain practices have especially helped me to encounter God and become more aware of my deepest longings in the unsettledness of the “neutral zone.” Among these are retreats of silence, solitude, centering prayer, meeting with a spiritual director or spiritual companion, examen, devotional ways of engaging Scripture, and learning varied practices for discernment. Because many who join 2HC are in seasons of transition or disorientation, we include a healthy dose of these practices in our 10-month cohorts.
What has been your experience of a “neutral zone?” What other words would you use to describe it?
Where and when will you set apart space for retreat?
What one or two other practices might you consider that are new to you? What resource or person(s) will help you learn these?
New beginnings. We recognize the new beginning as it emerges, not simply from an external shift or opportunity but from an internal realignment (pp. 198, 166, 173). Neither is the true new beginning simply a “defensive reaction to an ending” (p. 172). “To make a successful new beginning, you must do more than simply persevere. It is important to understand what could undermine your resolve and cast doubt on your plans” (p. 198). The new beginning is strengthened by a concrete plan and action beyond simply “getting ready” and a focus on the process and not a preoccupation with the results (pp. 199, 174, 176).
As I reflect on Bridges’ description of new beginnings, in many ways I see the “new” – if done from a place of internal realignment – as a coming home to my truest self in God and in a deep inner contentment. The greatest gift that we can give in mission is the gift of ourselves, fully alive to God’s great love and overflowing naturally with that love.
Even as I say that I acknowledge that new beginnings especially in the 2nd half of life have not necessarily felt easier. Losses accumulate, and I recognize the reality of pain and suffering and of the tension of paradox and mystery. Yet I also recognize more fully the presence of God in all of life and in all things, bringing a simplicity and sweetness to my soul. That is worthy of celebration!
What recent new beginning can you celebrate?
Describe a time when you recognized the difference between an external opportunity and an inner realignment. How did that help you in a new beginning that you experienced?
[1] Bridges, Transitions, New York: Hatchette Go, 2019, xiii. First published in 1980, Bridges’ book has sold over half a million copies, with multiples editions – a testament to its’ enduring practicality in providing a road map for transitions. Bridges passed away in 2013, and the latest 40th anniversary edition includes reflections throughout by Susan Bridges, who continues her and her late husband’s work as president of William Bridges Associates.
[2] These phases are “not linear stages with clear boundaries” and may overlap. A person also is likely to be in multiple transitions at the same time (p. 193).
[3] Bridges’ model introduces five words that can help give us the language for natural ending experiences: disengagement (an actual separation from what has ended or been left behind), dismantling (an unpacking or dismantling of the structure and routines associated with a person or identity that is being left behind), disidentification (losing the ways that we have identified ourselves), disenchantment (disappointment or disillusionment with what used to hold meaning or significance), disorientation (feeling bewildered or lost in ways that are not enjoyable but necessary to the natural process of “death and rebirth.”).