Releasing our loyal commitments
by Jamey
When my wife and I moved overseas, we were honored with a commissioning service. It was the culminating seal on a season of anticipation, excitement and expressions of commitment. But in 2016, after returning to the United States, we had no similar formal event at first (although we did have numerous heartwarming farewells in Indonesia). We sensed something was missing, some communal event to welcome us back and safely launch us into a new season. So we planned a “rite of passage.” Below is a brief summary of this life transition event in the presence of good friends and family members. As you read, consider how an intentional “rite of passage” – whether you are returning to your passport country or simply re-rooting into God’s love, joy and purpose for a new “2nd half of life” season – might strengthen you. To acknowledge and then release a previous commitment that served you and others well, but that now needs to change.
We started by stating the purpose of the event, giving also a brief overview of what we would be doing. Here’s how we explained the purpose of the event. “Friends, in Indonesia life cycle rituals are an important part of life for the individual and for the extended family and community of that individual. Today we want to conduct a rite of passage, a life transition event, with you as witnesses. We want to acknowledge the completion of our work in Indonesia, asking God for his protection and blessing as we move into new spheres of work and influence. Thank you for being here with us.”
We then acknowledged and thanked the friends and family members who were present. Among those present were our home group of about eight couples. These couples had known us and prayed for and supported us for over 25 years! They hosted the event. Other family members and good friends were also present.
We explained further the reasoning behind this particular rite of passage. “Much energy, excitement and blessing are mobilized around the sending of international workers. This is often sealed formally in a commissioning service. However, usually not as much energy and excitement accompany the return or the receiving back of these same international workers. We hope this reality changes, and, in our case, we’re doing something about it! In planning this event, we’ve incorporated not only the idea of life cycle rites of passage that we observed in Indonesia, but also some ideas from an author named Richard Rohr, writing in a book entitled Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life. Quoting another author, he tells of a ritual in Japan that happened just after World War II ended. Some Japanese communities realized that many of their returning soldiers were not ready to reenter society in Japan. Rohr writes,
[For these Japanese soldiers] their only identity for their formative years had been to be a ‘loyal soldier’ to their country; they needed a broader identity to once again rejoin their communities as useful citizens.
So these Japanese communities created a communal ritual whereby a soldier was publicly thanked and praised effusively for his service to the people. After this was done at great length, an elder would stand and announce with authority something to this effect: ‘The war is now over! The community needs you to let go of what has served you and served us well up to now. The community needs you to return as a man, a citizen, and something beyond a soldier.’
This kind of closure is much needed for most of us at the end of all major transitions in life. Because we have lost any sense of the need for such rites of passage, most of our people have no clear crossover to the second half of their own lives [emphasis by author].
“Friends, today our crossover or transition is clearly delineated: from Indonesia to the U.S. But we also want to encourage all of us to consider our own transitions to what Rohr refers to as the second half of life. In the second half of life the scope of our concerns and the ways that we influence are different, and we need fundamentally to keep growing into that change.”
We then thanked God through song. This was followed by an acknowledgement of our service by a pastor from the same church that had commissioned us when we left. We explained, “Before we left Indonesia, we had at least five different farewell gatherings in different communities. We felt loved and affirmed by many “thank you’s” and expressions of appreciation. We’ve asked our friend and pastor, representing our sending fellowship and, by extension, all those who have stayed in touch with us and supported us, to say a few words in acknowledgment of our service in Indonesia.”
Our friend joked by saying that any pastor would never just say a few words. He thanked us for our perseverance and faithfulness for many years, making note of the length of our service. He also acknowledged and thanked our home group for their faithful support and encouragement.
We asked some “elders” to welcome us back and bless us to engage fully in society, extended family and community back in the U.S. Two couples from our home group were our elders that day, representing the whole group. They spoke words of remembrance and welcome.
We closed this part of the event by singing together another song of thanksgiving to God for his goodness.
We continued by including a time of prayer for protection and blessing. We asked good friends who had been our colleagues in Indonesia to lead this time of prayer. They shared briefly, then asked others to stand up, gather around us, and extend hands toward us as they powerfully prayed for us and our adult children.
Next, we asked my brother-in-law, who had been a mentor to us for all our adult years, to pray for our thriving and fruitfulness. Before my brother-in-law spoke and prayed, Cindy and I each described briefly our most current sense of calling. We closed this section again in song, singing a song of declaration of faith and another song of blessing.
After we sang, one of our hosts invited others to share. Each one of our home group couples shared something, as did other guests and witnesses.
After a final time of prayer, we all ate together, enjoying grilled hamburgers and hotdogs and chicken — a classic U.S. summer meal! People ate inside and outside on the lawn. The weather was perfect. Many lingered.
We had acknowledged and released our loyal commitment, receiving community-affirming release into our next season of life.
