Spiritual direction and coaching
by Fran Love and Jamey Lewis
Those who join 2HC receive both monthly coaching and monthly spiritual direction. What is the difference between the two? How can they complement one another? Listen in to the following conversation between Fran (one of our spiritual directors) and Jamey (one of our coaches).
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Fran: Spiritual direction is offered by a person trained to accompany another person in discerning two things: What is God up to in my life? And how am I responding to God? Answering these two questions may sound easy, but I find that not to be the case. Here’s why. First, I am not always God-aware. I may have preferred ways of discerning God’s voice, summed up by such statements as “God always speaks to me through Scripture,” or “God speaks most of the time through people who know the Bible really well.” But what happens when Scripture doesn’t speak directly to my situation? Or when authority figures of my faith mislead me or disappoint me with their behavior? Where do I go now to hear God? Good question.
“Spiritual direction is offered by a person trained to accompany another person in discerning two things: What is God up to in my life? And how am I responding to God?”
Listen to what Jamey has to say about how God speaks to him everywhere — through Scripture, yes, but also through others and through stilling and quieting himself.
Jamey: As I listen to your words, I am reminded of the lyrics of a favorite hymn that I often remember when I am out on my mountain bike,
This is my Father’s world
He shines in all that’s fair
In the rustling grass
I hear Him pass
He speaks to me everywhere
The Bible is strongly central to my journey of faith and has been since I was young. Yet as I have been meeting with a spiritual director in recent months, I (a coach!) am deepening my own spiritual practice of actually coming to and listening to Jesus (cf. John 5:39-40 and Matthew 11:28-30). I’m also learning how to be quiet and still in God’s presence in a way that is cultivating simple reverence.
Fran: The second reason I find it difficult to answer the two questions - what is God doing and how am I responding - is that I am not always self-aware. Habits of thinking are hardly ever challenged. And I’ve been told that emotions are not to be trusted. And frankly my body is too busy working and trying to survive and thrive to pay attention to these things. So, if I not aware of my thoughts, emotions, and body, am I self-aware enough to know how I am responding to God? Good question! A trained spiritual director listens with us as we explore these two questions. Together, we are co- discerners.
So, how does spiritual direction differ from coaching? Coaching is focused on achieving goals for a desired outcome, usually in personal or professional development. It is task oriented. Spiritual direction is focused on the relational dynamics between God and us.
From my own life, I have experienced the differences and the complementary nature of spiritual direction and coaching. When I sensed God speaking to me about writing, and not knowing what to do with this, I went to a coach. He helped me articulate my own steps. It was very helpful. Then I realized my block in not writing was also emotional and spiritual, so I went to a spiritual director. She listened as I told her about my fears and prejudices. I told her I would never be a good enough writer. And then she asked if I was willing to enter into a time of silence to listen to what God had to say. I didn’t resolve the problem then, but the question she asked still echoes in my heart. “Fran, is God pleased with you being a good enough writer?”
Jamey: As I follow Jesus, I notice how he used questions and instructions that prompted action. “How many loaves do you have? Go look!” (Jesus’s words to his disciples in Mark 6:38). “What do you want me to do for you?” (Jesus’ question to blind Bartimaeus in Mark 10:51). Action toward a goal is an important part of coaching.
“As I follow Jesus, I notice how he used questions and instructions that prompted action.... Action toward a goal is an important part of coaching.”
But coaches realize that clients can get stuck. So, exploring inner motivations and inviting reframed perspectives can also be a part of coaching. (And sometimes coaches recommend that clients seek other professional help as well from a therapist or trauma specialist). In this sense, there can be overlap between spiritual direction and coaching. But coaches want to bring around the coaching again to a desired end or goal of the client. So, we use questions like, “What’s a simple step (or two) that you can take? When (or by what date) might you do that? Who can help you?”
In 2HC, we provide monthly coaching and monthly spiritual direction. But cohort members meet with a spiritual director twice a month during Months 1-3 of our learning. They don’t start meeting with a coach monthly until Month 4. This is because the first part of our 2HC learning is focused on practices of the inner life. During those months we want 2HC members to have the companionship especially of a spiritual director. In this way we also want to affirm that outward doing flows most fruitfully and sustainably from a strengthened inner life with God. Together, both coaches and spiritual directors help 2HC cohort members toward the integration of communion with God, supportive friendship and vibrant community, and sustainable engagement in mission.
