Noticing Our Consolations and Desolations
In a recent blog, Making Spiritual Formation Relevant to Life-long Mission, we talked about making spiritual formation the life-long nurturing paradigm for growth and fruitfulness. In this blog Carol Weaver and Fran Love describe how noticing our consolations and desolations is an opportunity for God to nurture us.
Carol: I just came away from a meeting with my 2nd Half Collaborative (2HC) small group. Although participants shared about their “shadow self,”[1] the light of God’s presence shone with every word, and I felt such consolation in my heart after it was all over. Consolation is a somewhat archaic word today, but it means “with solace or comfort.” I like to associate it with the sunshine. When we talk about consolation, we are talking about moving towards God’s life and the light of God’s presence. In the 1500s, Ignatius of Loyola encouraged people going through his Spiritual Exercises to notice where there was consolation in their day. We do this by noticing the events of our day and paying attention to our feelings surrounding them. As I review my day, I ask, “What has given me a feeling of love, joy, peace, etc.? What caused me to sense God’s presence, and/or what gave me life?” And that 2HC Small Group meeting was life-giving for me!
Fran: I love the image of consolation as moving into the light and love of God. More than an emotion, spiritual consolation is a movement of the heart toward God and toward the experience of God’s presence.
To help me encounter this, I developed a practice of imagining I was a sunflower tracking the movement of the sun. When I noticed the sting of a sin, I would physically lift my face towards God. I breathed the prayer of the Psalmist, “Restore me, God. Make your face shine upon me. And save me” (Psalm 80:3). Equally, when I noticed moments of joy, I would lift my face and breathe, “May the Lord smile on me and be gracious to me, may he give me peace” (cf. Numbers 6:25-26; New Living Translation). The physical act of lifting my head to seek and see God’s face—or smile, as some translations render it—has been an important nurturing practice.
Carol: The opposite of consolation is desolation, which means “without solace or comfort” or—to use again the imagery of light—that place that is without the sunshine. I ask, “When during my day did I turn away from the light of God’s presence?” Ignatius believed that noticing times of desolation was important as well. Again, we do this by paying attention to our feelings and reactions during our day, not ignoring or denying them. I ask, “Where did I feel anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, etc.? What was deadening in my day? Where did I not live from that true self that God created in me?” This might lead to a time of confession, bringing the situation into the light of God’s loving presence and receiving forgiveness. It is also a time to ask God, “What do you want me to know about this reaction that I had to this person or situation?” Often, God will bring to light where I have let my shadow self run the show. When negative feelings about people or situations surface, I do not try to “edit” those feelings away. Instead, I bring them before God, and he often shines light down to a particular core fear in my life: being unwanted and unloved.
“And around 4:00 p.m. each day we would put aside our tasks and talk about where we noticed God at work in our desolations and consolations. Where did we move closer to God and others or further from God and others?”
Fran: When my late husband Rick was at the top of his career, he noticed three things: he was lonely, weary and driven. We both experienced the desolation of this reality and turned towards God’s healing. Rick sought professional counseling. He spent time with a spiritual director. He prayed weekly with his best friend. And around 4:00 p.m. each day we would put aside our tasks and talk about where we noticed God at work in our desolations and consolations. Where did we move closer to God and others or further from God and others? And we would pray for each other. We treasured this time. It grew us closer together.
Carol: As my Ignatian director would always say, “Carol, with every desolation, consolation is right around the corner.” It is all about seeing God in all things and bringing everything into His marvelous light! God wants to bring us out of the darkness of our tombs into the light of His glorious presence. In His light, we see light (Psalm 36:9).
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[1] Our “shadow self” is that part of us (with its resulting behaviors and tendencies) that draws its identity and sense of value outside of its true source in God. As a result—to echo Paul—what we want to do, we do not do (cf. Romans 7:15), often unconsciously! Taking time to be very honest with ourselves, trace our own story, and listen to God can begin to reveal this shadow self. It loses its power to define who we most truly are as deeply loved and called of God.
photo by Michael Held on Unsplash.
