Leaders: Who’s In Your Box?

Image by Gonzalo Facello on Unsplash

I used to play quite a bit of tennis, and I enjoy watching the Grand Slams on TV. 

When I watched the U.S. Open this past month, something fascinated me. I noticed that I wasn't only watching what happened on the court. I found myself watching the players' boxes too — and wondering what kind of supportive role each person in the box provided for the player. 

It's amazing — behind every player is a small team of people who see the match from different perspectives. There's a coach. A fitness trainer. A hitting partner. Others who know the player well. 

They each have a role. 

And it made me wonder: Who's in my box? And I realized my own box has looked different in different seasons of life.  

Leadership, life, and the many roles we play can be lonely and hard. And if we want our "second-half lives" to flow from being deeply rooted in Jesus, I feel we need more than just people who help us "perform better." We need people who help us abide, grow, and become. 

So, let me expand this metaphor by imagining the five seats we all need in "our box.” 

The Spiritual Director — Helps Us Notice 
A spiritual director helps us slow down and pay attention to God's presence in our lives. They ask: What is Jesus doing in you? Where is He inviting you? What are you resisting? In a loud world that constantly demands our attention, a spiritual director helps us listen to that still, small voice of God. My spiritual director accompanies me to vistas that reveal pathways leading closer to God’s abundant grace. 

Spiritual Friends — Help Us Belong 
We need people with whom we don't have to be "the leader." People who know the real us. People who can tell us the truth, pray with us, laugh with us, and walk with us through both joy and struggle. We were never meant to follow Jesus alone. 

Gordon and John have been this for me for more than seven years – modeling vulnerability, earnest searching, and an encounter with Jesus in all areas of their lives. 

The Coach — Helps Us Grow 
A good coach sees what we often cannot see. They notice patterns, challenge assumptions, and ask hard questions. They help us discover where we can grow. Their goal isn't simply to help us become more effective in life. Rather, they help us to become someone whose life flows from abiding in Christ. 

The Spiritual Sage — Helps Us Become 
A sage (or mentor) is likely older, someone who has walked farther down the road and can be a steady presence in our life. 

Their life gives us a picture of faithfulness over time. They've experienced success and failure, joy and disappointment, and they have learned what it means to keep following Jesus through it all. 

They help us ask a deeper question: Who am I becoming? 

I don’t have this seat in my box filled right now, and I feel that lack in my life at this moment. 

Spouse and Family — Help Us Stay Honest 
And then there are the people who aren't really sitting in the box at all — they're in the stands, closer to the court than anyone. 

My wife Joan is among them; she sees me when the “match is over.” She sees how I treat people when I’m tired, how I respond when things don't go my way, and whether the person I am in public is the person I am at home. She knows me in ways no coach, sage, mentor, or spiritual director ever can – her insight and compassion have sustained me over 44 years together. 

For those who are married, our spouse can become one of the most significant companions in our spiritual formation — not because they have all the answers, but because they see our lives up close, day after day. And for all of us, family members and soul friends closest to us can become mirrors of who we're becoming. They call us back to honesty and integrity. 

Who's in Your Box? 
Each relationship offers something different: The spiritual director helps us notice. Spiritual friends help us belong. The coach helps us grow. The sage (mentor) helps us become. Our family helps keep us honest. We need each one. Why? Because it's possible to win the match and lose your soul (apologies to Jesus for that pithy re-phrase of Mark 8:36). 

In Mark 8:36 I feel Jesus was saying it's possible to accomplish great things while slowly becoming someone you never intended to be — and having a great team around you can help you abide in Jesus over the long haul of life. 

So, the question isn't simply, "How am I doing as a leader?" 

The deeper question is: "Who is helping me become the person Jesus is forming me to be?" 

I have a great team, but it has taken decades, accumulated failures, and loneliness to realize I need a strong box. I haven’t always seen the need for the kind of team described here.  

It's time to look around the box. Who's in yours?