Seeing My 2nd Half of Life Through the Lens of Pipe Smoking
~ By David S
No one ever told me that there is a “second half of life” and that the second half of life should be different from the first half.
Of course I heard of midlife crisis, but it seemed to have a negative connotation, like someone going through burnout, moral failure or breakdown. I didn’t feel like I was going through any of those. In fact, if you had asked me before going through this transition what kind of ministry season I was in, I would have said it was a great season that seemed like a good fit for my gifting and was fulfilling. So in some sense, I wasn’t even looking for a different second half of life.
Entering into the second half of life for me starts with perspective change, seeing things through different lenses.
My lenses are changing in how I see myself and my calling, in how I view and value others, in how I view God and what I think God wants from me and much more.
Sometimes when looking at something from a different angle it is helpful to use a metaphor. So what kind of metaphor would I use to describe entering into the second half of life? Well, I would choose pipe smoking.
The first step in smoking a pipe is to create space and time for enjoying a pipe.
Smoking a pipe is not like smoking a cigarette or something else. It is not easy to do while working or moving around. Generally you need to have a good amount of time where you aren’t doing much else. Creating and prioritizing space and time in my life for God and others is hugely important to the second half of life. We so often wear busyness as a badge of honor, the more busy we are, the more it shows our worth to others. I don’t want to be or look too busy for others in my life.
I want to live the second half of life that creates space and prioritizes others over the things I am doing.
This leads to noticing; it leads to being present.
Smoking a pipe is a slow process. You need to pack the pipe with tobacco. Then it takes work to light it and keep it lit. Then you slowly work it up to the sweet spot of much smoke and little effort.
Many times I have valued ‘multi-tasking” rather than being present and focusing my attention. Sometimes all that multi-tasking seems to do is to help me to not focus on anything. To be several places in my head at once and so not really focused anywhere. Being present to notice my surrounding, notice myself, notice God and to notice others. This is a powerful paradigm shift of the second half of life. In my opinion, the best time for smoking is in the evening while it is warm and humid with no breeze. If you get good enough to make smoke rings, you can watch them slowly rise and widen as they drift away into the night.
Being present and not too busy for others is another characteristic of how I want my second half of life to be.
Pipe smoking can be done alone or with others. While alone there is space to listen to yourself and listen to God.
Another paradigm shift for me has been making space for the lament. Sharing openly with God how I feel about a situation. Recognizing and being ok with grief and loss. A powerful question in that space for me has been, “God, what do you have to say about this situation?” Then taking time to wait and listen to what He has to say. Prayer has become more about listening than asking. Smoking alone gives space for the important work of reflection and listening to yourself and to God.
If smoking alone creates space for listening to yourself and to God, smoking with others allows for listening well to others. What a powerful lesson this has been. How often do I think that what I have to say is the most important thing? How often do I start talking just as someone is finishing their sentence? As if I wasn’t listening to them but preparing what I was going to say. Or worse I interrupt them because I think my point is so important.
As you slowly pull in the smoke from your pipe you are unable to speak, you can only listen. What a natural way to listen well to others and value their words and value their contribution. Sometimes I have wondered if I ever really knew how to listen before now. Strengthening my listening muscle has become hugely important in the second half of life
But deep sharing is important as well.
This is where the type of pipe you use is important. A “Church Warden” is a long neck pipe, think Gandalf. This allows for reading and the smoke to be cooler as well as further from your face. Those are often my first choice of pipe for an evening smoke. But for a longer time of sharing and listening an “Oom Paul” might be the better choice as it has a larger bowl for a longer smoke and a longer conversation. But in the end, my preference for a longer conversation would be using one of my favorite pipes, the “Calabash” pipe. This time think Sherlock Holmes. It has a large bowl that is made from a hollowed gourd with a meerschaum insert on the top. The Calabash pipe not only has a large bowl for a long smoke, but the hollowed out gourd creates extra smoke to enjoy.
Whatever your choice in pipe, the point is to make time and space for deep sharing with those who are along the journey with you. The almost cliche statement of “it’s not what you do, but who you do it with,” has become more real then ever in the second half of life.
So is the second half of life about sitting around smoking a pipe and doing nothing?
Not for me, I’m still a doer at heart. But my rhythms are changing, my priorities are changing, even the self-understanding of my identity is changing. My unique identity and contribution is still being formed or discovered (Eph 2:10) as I integrate the experiences God has brought me through, the giftings He has given me, the passions I have, the calling He has on my life and the depth of intimacy with Him that He is bringing me into. I have hopeful anticipation for this next season of life. I do hope, though, that it involves more pipes and more pipe smoking.
