I Did it Backwards: Walking with Jesus in Mission (Part 2)
[This is the second of a two-part blog of a series of meditations on love, discernment, suffering and peace. The author, Fran Love, prepared these meditations and practices for a retreat of denominational mission leaders in the U.S. In Part 1, Fran explained how she did mission backwards. She made mission strategy her starting block and mission success her finish line. Slowly she began to journey back home to the love of God. Part 1 includes Fran’s introduction to the blog as well as meditations and practices on the first two themes of love and discernment. Part 2 addresses the themes of suffering and peace.
Fran’s prayer is that “these scripture meditations and contemplative practices will call you into communion with God and deeper community with others. I pray they will help you stay in the ministry as a way of life over the long haul. I pray they give you a natural rhythm of engagement and disengagement that connects you to the mission of Jesus and the love of Jesus. I pray they help you to pay attention to God's work in your tender and precious soul. I pray they will give you courage to look at what your body is trying to tell you. I pray most of all they help you find rest in the everlasting love of God.”]
Theme Three: Jesus Suffered
I don't trust any leader who doesn't walk with a limp. (John Wimber)
Jesus suffered. How does our desire to be with Jesus lead us into inevitable and necessary suffering, and what practices help us acknowledge our suffering so that we can cooperate with the Spirit's transforming work?
Even though Jesus was God's Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered (Hebrews 5:8 NLT).
When we follow Jesus, we follow a man of sorrows who knows well the pain of grief (Isaiah 53; Hebrews 5:7; Matthew 26:37-38; Matthew 27:46).
It is inevitable then that as his followers we will partner with him in his suffering (Philippians 3:10; 2 Timothy 3:12; Colossians 1:24; 1 Peter 2:21-25). Like Jesus, we suffer the oppressive pain that accompanies kingdom work, for ourselves and for others.
In our journey of transformation, we may experience another type of suffering brought about by the transforming work of the Spirit. The Spirit slows our pace, even driving us into times of dryness and disorientation where faith and humility are tested and deepened. We find ourselves in the wilderness. This work of the Spirit is usually met with confusion and resistance. Because of this, it helps to see the “big picture” of how God transforms our lives. Many of us go through stages.[1]
The first stages of the journey orient us to God and his ways. We come to know God and our need for him. We choose our spiritual community and together we learn about God and our faith tradition. We faithfully follow him into fruitful service. We are the action heroes in this amazing kingdom story.
What happens next surprises us. Some feel the pain of transformation only slightly. Others go in and out of these dry times. Many experience all the things described below.
It is as though we hit a wall. God seems absent. Losses multiply. Illusions are stripped away. Vision for ministry evaporates. The things we did for God that once brought pleasure no longer have the same appeal. We wonder if we are backsliding. We know the God who strengthens our weakness, but now we are discovering, like the lamenting psalmist, a God who weakens our strength (Psalm 102:23). We don't know if we like this God. We are disoriented. We go from action hero to wounded martyr.
The Spirit uses this time to draw us into an inward journey.
The Spirit reveals areas of our soul that we would rather not see. Disordered desires for control, for esteem, and for security can no longer be hidden. The deep-rooted nature of sins – particularly pride, anger, envy and fear – come into the light and love of Jesus.
Emotional numbness and buried dreams, a sign of past wounds that have never healed, are now massaged back to life by the Father of Souls.
Our hardened souls cry out for compassion and gentleness. Our shallow souls desperately desire depth and integrity. Our cluttered souls yearn for simplicity and rest.[2] Tired bodies and exhausted minds reveal the extent to which we have been lost in multiplicity. We now find ourselves wanting, as Mary and David did, to return to the purity and simplicity of "one thing" devotion to the Lord (Luke 10:42, Psalm 27:4; 2 Corinthians 11:3).
As we confess these things to ourselves, to God and to others, we find healing. In turn we become healers of others. God re-orients us to himself and to his purposes for our lives. Things that seemed important before no longer are, and things that seemed unimportant before are now very important. We learn to love deeply and to receive it joyfully.
This journey of suffering and transformation takes time and perseverance. And yet people trust leaders who endure suffering. John Wimber said, "I don’t trust any leader who doesn’t walk with a limp.... If anything characterizes seasoned leaders, it is enduring qualities like humility and faithfulness, characteristics that make them look like Jesus. So, pastors that walk with a limp usually run the best race. They may not be the swiftest, but they finish that which they’ve been called to."
Reflection:
Do you walk with a limp? Or do you resist any sign of weakness? Jesus learned obedience from the things he suffered (Hebrews 5:8). What are you learning about your life and ministry from your limp, or from your resistance to it? What gifts does this limp give you or might give you if you allowed it?
Where are you in the journey of transformation? Who is with you - read, for you - in this part of your journey? Have you thanked them personally?
What part of kingdom work around the world leaves you suffering on behalf of others? What is your typical response to pain this big? Can you allow Jesus to carry it with you?
Lectio Divina on Isaiah 53. Ministry brings pain. Nevertheless, many of us are surprised when it happens to us. We know how to handle sin better than we know how to handle our griefs and sorrows. The scripture meditation today encourages us to give them to Jesus.
He was despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. Surely our griefs He Himself bore, and our sorrows He carried (Isaiah 53:3-4).
Slowly read Isaiah 53:3-4. Do you carry a sorrow or a memory of a sorrow that has left you feeling fragile and tender? Can you name it? Do you carry a sorrow or a memory of a sorrow that now needs to go so that you will be ready to receive new things God has for you?
Read the passage a second time. See in your mind's eye Jesus carrying your grief and sorrow on his way to the cross. He dies for this grief and sorrow. What do you experience in that seeing?
Read the passage a third time. We also know that Jesus and the Spirit keep interceding for us to the Father (Romans 8:26-27, 34). They bring Trinity-attention to our continued sorrows and griefs.
Have you ever wondered what they say when they speak of you to the Father? Can you ask them to share that with you now? Perhaps God showed you his heart through scripture, a dream, or prophetic words spoken over you. Can you recall these? Do you hear God's prayers - his longings, his desires – for you in them. Respond to the Lord as you can. Share your experience of this lectio with someone else.
Theme Four: Jesus Sends Us Out in Peace and Joy
Arrange your days so that you experience total contentment, joy and confidence in your everyday life with God (Dallas Willard).
Jesus was sent as the Prince of Peace to bring about a kingdom of righteousness, peace and joy. He sends us out with his peace. What peace-practices help us embody the peace and joy of the kingdom?
On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jewish leaders, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord. Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you” (John 20:19-22).
In the midst of great sorrow and conflict, Jesus speaks peace to his disciples. He sends them out with his peace. He does the same for us. We are sent out with the gift of his peace: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you” (John 14:27). Peace is his desire for us. Jesus could call it my peace because it was the way he experienced life. As the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6) he brings the shalom of the kingdom everywhere he is present (Luke 2:78-79).
Jesus said that we would be filled with his joy ("my joy" – John 15:11 and 17:13). Joy is his desire for us. He could call it my joy because that is the way he experienced life. He brought joy to many (Luke 2:34). He brought joy to the Father (Luke 3:22). He speaks a joy-full message that brings great joy for all peoples (Luke 2:10-11).
As we follow Jesus into kingdom ministry, we experience peace and joy. "Peace," said the 17th century French catholic Francois Fenelon, "is what God wants for you no matter what is happening."
Anxiety is probably the more typical response to ministry pressures.
Reflection on Jesus' desires for our peace and joy. Prayerfully reflect on the scripture passages below. Choose the one that captures your attention. If it helps, read the larger scripture for context. See and hear Jesus speak these words to you. They are his desires for you and others. Ask him, "Jesus, what is your desire in this for me (for us)?" Wait for his reply. Turn his desires into prayers: Jesus, help me trust you. Jesus, help me listen to you. Pray these prayers for as many days as it takes until you sense his generous provisions. Thank him for helping you live out his desires for you.
Jesus asks us to trust him, “Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me” (John 14:1). Anxiety is a troubled heart. Jesus asks, “Will you trust me?”
We welcome Jesus into our ministry and then get distracted and anxious in the busyness of serving him. Jesus says, “You are worried and upset about so many things. Please sit beside me and listen to what I want to teach you” (Luke 10:38-42).
We experience anxiety over financial provision. Jesus asks, “Why do you worry about these things? Meditate on how well the Father takes care of flowers and birds and learn this lesson: you are much more valuable than any flower and any bird” (Matthew 6:25-34).
Anxiety comes when we don't ask the Lord for what we want. Jesus invites us, “Ask using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy” (John 16:24).
Jesus shows us how to slow down, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me and you will find rest (Matthew 11:29). Being yoked to Jesus keeps us close to him and helps us keep his rhythm of life and work.
[1] For more information about the stages of faith, see one model in The Critical Journey: Stages in the Life of Faith by Janet O. Hagberg and Robert A. Guelich (Salem, Wisconsin: Sheffield Publishing, 2005, 2nd edition).
[2] For material on the state of our souls read John Ortberg's Soul Keeping: Caring for the Most Important Part of You (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2014).