How a 2nd Half of Life Pilgrimage Healed a First Half of Life Wound
For centuries, Psalm 84, the Prayer of the Pilgrim, has moved many to undertake pilgrimage as a spiritual formation practice. Carol Weaver, a 2HC Facilitator and Spiritual Director, shares the story of her recent pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago Spain. Weaving phrases from Psalm 84 with photos, poems, stories and lessons learned from various Stations of our 2nd Half Collaborative, Carol tenderly recounts how this pilgrimage helped heal a heart wound she received 40 years earlier in Santiago, Spain.
By Carol Weaver
“Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage” . . .
In October 2022, our happy band of nine peregrinos (pilgrims) set our hearts on pilgrimage along 72 miles (116 kilometers) of the Camino de Santiago (Way of Saint James) from Sarria to the Cathedral in the ancient city of Santiago de Compostela, Spain.
I lived in Santiago in 1982. Back then, only about 1400 “religious zealots” walked the Camino. In 2022 they recorded the highest number of pilgrims in history at 438,182! My heart has been set on doing this pilgrimage for 40 years!
“. . . As they pass through the Valley of Weeping, they make it a Place of Springs.
Autumn rains also cover It with pools . . . ”
The week before our journey, there had been nothing but sunny days, but each of our days was filled with rain and even wind storms! So, the words in the verse about autumn rains and pools of water are appropriate. But the result of so much rain resulted in so many RAINBOWS!
Identity and Lament
With all the rain and rainbows, I couldn’t help but draw an analogy for my experience in Santiago in 1982. It was a time of passing through a “Valley of Weeping.” I journaled about it in answer to one of the Camino’s Inner Preparation Questions, “Why do you want to do the Camino?”
It is a lifelong dream I have had since 1982 when I lived in Santiago de Compostela as a nanny for a newly-arrived missionary family. It was a very difficult time as I saw the anatomy of a marriage that eventually led to divorce many years later. Much of their anger and frustration toward each other was misdirected toward me, and I was spiritually abused (no way to sugarcoat it either). The lies I was told about my identity coupled with my people-pleasing nature were devastating, but God spoke clearly to me to GET OUT OF THERE and gave me promises for whom I would become, and I am becoming who He created me to be. So, I am returning to the “scene of the crime” 40 years later as a healthy, God-pleasing adult!
We learned about lament in the 2nd Half Collaborative. I wrote one as I processed my return.
Poem on the Fly
Travel involves travail
yet destinations are desired.
Scenes unfold like flowers.
I take in the beauty and breeze.
Help me Lord to see, touch, taste, hear, and smell
all that is Spain.
And the road back to dying to self
and the opening of my eyes to a marriage gone bad
and appreciation for the marriage my parents had
and the work that is involved in caring for children
and the little things like the serenity that comes
from hiking to a high hill
to see the green beyond the city.
Or to swim in a pool to cleanse me from the chaos
of an apartment filled with strife and anger
and abusive words and treating me like a dog
and Your still, small voice that told me to leave
that abuse is not of You.
The dying of the pedestal I had put this couple on
before leaving to help them in their transition.
I can honestly say God has turned my Valley of Weeping into a place of abundant springs (and rainbows). Santiago was a stepping stone to my healing and chipping away at my Shadow Self (Station 2 of the 2HC) and encountering God as He spoke to me so clearly about my True Identity in Him (Station 1 in the 2HC).
Unhurrying and Noticing
The Camino was an opportunity to apply two more practices of interiority from the 2nd Half Collaborative: Unhurrying and Noticing. Our only job each day was to get up and walk to our next destination. How many of us spend most of the day outside and slow down long enough to drink in God’s creation like sunrises, rolling green hills, animals, and even tiny mushrooms?
One time, we took time to notice all that was around us through our five senses: “What are five things we see, four things we hear, three things we feel, two things we smell, and one thing that we taste? (Even if that meant reliving the taste of the hot beverage and Spanish cuisine we had on our last stop.)
Authentic Spiritual Community
As we walked the Camino we remembered our earlier spiritual community — the many saints who walked this path through the centuries.
We journeyed with 7 young people “whose strength is in the Lord,” and who truly “go from strength to strength.” Most of our group have been involved in some capacity with international work, and are in an authentic spiritual community together (Station 5 in the 2HC). What a pleasure to spend extended time together along the pilgrim road and into the evening over long dinners.
George and I would often hang back and pray for these young people. They are people whose hearts are truly “on that road that leads to the Lord” (Psalm 84:6; GOD’S WORD Translation).
They are our future, and the future is … Bright!
Contemplation, Community and Mission
“. . . they go from strength to strength on the way that leads to the Lord …”
With our experiences of contemplation and community, it naturally led to mission (Station 7 in the 2HC). People were curious about the commonality of our group. While drying our wet shoes by the fire, one woman asked us what we were doing all together. Elizabeth and I talked about our desire to be “True to Christ, Kind to People, and Take the Gospel to the Nations,” and she eagerly said, “Tell me more about this!”
Many people on the Camino are on a spiritual pilgrimage and sincerely seeking, and when they find out that you are a Jesus follower, they have many questions. Others in our group had deep, late-night talks with searching pilgrims in the bars and restaurants.
I am so glad we had a little part in pointing these dear pilgrims from all around the world on “the road that leads to the Lord.”
Words cannot express the joy I felt when I reached the plaza in front of the Cathedral. A flood of memories pierced my heart. God had given me “beauty for the ashes” of a hard time 40 years prior. I wholeheartedly believe in Augustine’s maxim, Solvitur Ambulando – “This is solved by walking.” No words can describe the experience we had. I am so grateful.
In response to my Camino time, I composed a “Pantoum” poem (repeated phrases put in at specific points) to summarize my Camino Journey:
Quote at the Pilgrim House at the End of the Camino
