Chasing the Shadows

Written By 2HC

Photo on Unsplash by Dustin Tramel

Self-awareness is important to our fruitfulness in mission. We understand better the pathways to the hearts of our neighbors and colleagues the more that we understand the pathways of God to our own heart. Self-awareness helps us receive healing and inner freedom and grow empathy, compassion, mutuality and collaboration.

Among the personality profiles that help us gain self-awareness is the Enneagram. The Enneagram is a personality system that describes nine different ways people see the world and interact with it. Each of the nine types has its own core motivations, fears, and desires, helping individuals understand themselves at a deeper level. Unlike many personality tests, the Enneagram focuses on why people think, feel, and behave the way they do, rather than just what they do. This makes it a valuable tool for understanding and integrating the shadow self and supporting personal growth.

In this blog, past 2HC cohort member and current co-facilitator Zoe Alexander shares from her journey with the Enneagram. Zoe has over 18 years of experience in ministry, including 12 years of living in the Middle East.

If you have questions over the origins of the Enneagram, you might find this e-book useful: Should Christians Use The Enneagram?

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by Zoe Alexander

My journey with the Enneagram into deeper self-awareness

Growth isn’t linear – I knew this. But my frustration with feeling like I was going around the roundabout, despite all my lifelong efforts to pursue healing, wholeness and growth, had reached a climax when I enrolled in 2HC. I was determined this time would be different and would lead to deeper breakthrough. Little did I realise how elusive that breakthrough would be.

The deepest work for me in 2HC came with the Immunity to Change mapping, a tool exploring our shadows – those parts of ourselves that we’ve spent a lifetime denying and running from. The framework was helpful in taking an honest look at my core motivations to the degree that I understood them, but I still had a nagging feeling that there were blind spots. Hence when the 2HC leaders suggested that some people find the Enneagram helpful for shadow work, I decided to explore this further.

I had first come across the Enneagram over a decade before but didn’t resonate with it at the time. Then a year before I did 2HC, I found myself in a number of conversations with friends who were getting interested in the Enneagram. So, I did some reading and at that point assumed I was a Type 1, as I knew I had perfectionistic tendencies and a loud inner critic.

When I revisited this during 2HC, I met with an Enneagram coach, since I was starting to wonder whether I might actually be a Type 9, as I could see some peacemaker traits in myself. In the coaching session we only discussed my Type 1 and Type 9 traits. It became clear I wasn’t actually a Type 1, so I concluded I must be a Type 9. I explored a few resources and tried to gain insight about what this meant and how to grow. But my progress felt limited and was not the breakthrough I had been hoping for.

Fast forward to the autumn after I had completed 2HC and started to meet regularly with a local spiritual director who is trained in the Enneagram. After meeting with me a couple of times, he offered to do an Enneagram typing interview, as he was starting to suspect that I had mistyped myself. This kickstarted me into a deep dive researching the Enneagram, leading to the uncomfortable revelation that I am actually a Type 4, with a strong 3 Wing and Self-Preservation Instinct. The clincher for me was the resonance I felt listening to a podcast interviewing Ian Morgan Cron, who is the exact same type as me. The similarities were uncanny, almost word for word things I have said. After correctly typing myself, so many things started to make sense on a much deeper level, and now I feel like I am on a solid pathway towards integrating my shadow.

Seven common reasons for Enneagram mistyping

So why was it so hard for me to type myself? Am I really that lacking in self-awareness? From combining my experience with my studies, I have recognized various reasons why some people find it harder than others to identify their Core Type:

  1. Countertypes: If your “Instinctual Subtype” (your basic survival instinct combined with your Core Type) is the “Countertype” (your instinct and type behaviours will seem contradictory), you might not resonate as strongly with the classic description of your Type.

  2. Strong Wings: If you have a strong “Wing” (one of the numbers next to your Core Type), then your behaviours will be a blend of your main Type and your Wing, so a deeper dive into your core fear and motivations will be required.

  3. Stress and Growth States: Some people find themselves operating for substantial periods in their “Stress or Growth State” (the numbers connected by arrows to their Core Type); hence they may identify with the type they have moved towards rather than their Core Type.

  4. Levels of Health: A lot of type descriptions and tests focus more on average to unhealthy “Levels of Health” (maturity). If you’ve already reached a higher Level of Health, these may resonate less, unless you think back to how you were when you were younger.

  5. Learnt behaviours: We can intentionally or unintentionally adopt some behaviours that are outside our Core Type, which can further confuse our understanding if we identify more with these.

  6. Not wanting to accept a core fear: The Enneagram exposes deep insecurities; hence some people may resist identifying with a type that hits too close to home.

  7. Online tests: Tests vary in accuracy and often misdiagnose because they generally focus on behaviours rather than core motivations. Even the most reputable tests are still not as reliable as narrative typing approaches.

If you’re unsure whether you’ve correctly typed yourself, I recommend this article: How to Know Your Enneagram Type is Right.

My journey with mistyping led me to decide to train last year as an Enneagram Typing Specialist with Your Enneagram Coach. I’m offering free Enneagram typing sessions to any past or present members of our four 2HC cohorts who are interested: you can book a session here.

My favourite tools for personal growth with the Enneagram

I have explored a lot of different material, and these three steps are what I have personally landed on as being most helpful:

1.     Integrating your shadow

2.     Moving along your growth path

3.     Leaning into all three centres of intelligence

Would you value coaching in your personal growth journey or implementing your vision?

Zoe Alexander is currently a 2HC co-facilitator and is completing an Accredited Diploma in Transformative Coaching from Animas UK. She is passionate about partnering with people in their pursuit of living their full authentic God-given potential. She is offering free coaching sessions to past and present members of the 2HC community. To find out more, book a discovery call with her here.

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Permission for Seasons: What Living in New England Has Taught Me