A Rule of Life to Honor Limits and Longings of the 2nd Half of Life
Photo on Unsplash by Markus Winkler
The final learning station in our 10-month 2HC cohort is entitled “Developing a Rule of Life.” What is a “rule of life?” My colleague Andrew gives examples of a rule of life for a community (such as a monastic community) or an individual. The rule of life is simply a way to structure either communal or personal rhythms, attitudes, habits and practices toward a desired end. This “rule” is not a legalistic list but a way to create space for patient progress toward desired spiritual growth and maturity.[1]
Many of us can point to regular rhythms of prayer, engaging Scripture, connecting in family and community, communing with God, witness, and nurturing our physical and emotional well-being. These anchor our life in God for the sake of others in cross-cultural mission. But what happens when we begin to face different or unexpected life circumstances and constraints? Or when our current rhythms feel stale or no longer able to hold the full expression of our deepening 2nd half of life desires? In short, how might we adapt our rule of life to fit the limits and the longings of the 2nd half of life?
“How might we adapt our rule of life to fit the limits and the longings of the 2nd half of life?”
In an appendix to her very helpful and practical Spiritual Disciplines Handbook, Adele Ahlberg Calhoun provides some answers to these questions. She acknowledges the need for a rule of life and spiritual disciplines that help us stay open to God amid different life stages and circumstances.
“Spiritual disciplines are intentional ways to keep us moving through the seasons.” With the Holy Spirit as our personal growth coach, we are helped to “notice when longings shift and when endurance runs short. The Spirit of God coaches you into disciplines that uniquely suit your (1) spiritual season, (2) age and stage [in the life of faith] and (3) life circumstances.”[2]
What are your limits and longings in this season of life? Do your current rhythms of spiritual practices honor those limits and longings? What spiritual practices that have been routine for you might you now adapt or even pause? What new simple practices might you try out? Among these might be practices oriented toward slowing down, spending time in contemplative prayer, rest, retreat, self-care, and devotional reading.[3] Over two years ago I started to meet with a spiritual director, which was a completely new practice for me. I also began to engage more frequently in centering prayer as a way to slow down from my “doing” and be still and quiet in God’s presence (cf. Psalm 131:2). Centering prayer was also new to me. I already had a practice of regular (although not daily) journaling; I began intentionally to focus also on re-reading my journal, a practice that helped me to remember and reflect more deeply on what I was experiencing with the Lord.
As you consider adapting your personal rule of life, release yourself from the pressure of not wanting to miss out on all these great spiritual practices. You might say, “I want to try them all!” But remember, your goal is to honor your limits and to make patient progress toward fulfilling your deepest God-given longings in this season of your life. As you do, you will encounter more of God’s quieting love and an interior freedom that will radiate that love to family, neighbors, strangers, colleagues and teammates.
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[1] Another simple way of describing a rule of life that evokes the imagery of a life-long journey is: an intentional way to keep company with Jesus and others following Jesus. Other definitions for an individual rule of life include: “a structure that enables us to say yes to the process of spiritual transformation day in and day out” (Ruth Haley Barton in the chapter “A Rule of Life” in her book, Sacred Rhythms: Arranging our Lives for Spiritual Transformation. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2006, p. 147) or “a scaffold of disciplines that support your heart’s desire to grow in loving God and others” (Adele Ahlberg Calhoun in “Rule for Life” in her book Spiritual Disciplines Handbook: Practices that Transform Us, Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2005, p. 36.)
[2] Calhoun, Spiritual Disciplines Handbook, p. 282. The title of this appendix is “Seasons, Stages and Ages of Transformation.”
[3] See Calhoun, Spiritual Disciplines Handbook, pp. 286-287, for a chart that offers more suggestions for various spiritual practices in different seasons of life: spring, summer, autumn, winter, and seasoned saint. She also notes the key question, primary longings, signs of the season, temptations, and signs of being stuck or of failure to thrive for each of these five “seasons” of the soul. Obviously, for Jesus followers in areas of the world that do not have four seasons, a different framework will need to be developed.